The following was supposedly written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Georgia:
How Representative Kaye's name got attached to this, nobody knows, but it was
actually written by Libertarian writer and former U.S. Senate candidate Lewis
Napper. The opinions expressed are his, not necessarily mine.
The Bill of No Rights
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, deluded, and other mentally-weak folk. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone, not just you! You may leave the
room, change the channel,
express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots,
and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you
stick a screwdriver in your
eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to
make you and all your
relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most
charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need,
but we are quickly growing
weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch
potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would
be nice, but from the
looks of public housing, weíre just not interested in public health
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape,
intentionally maim, or kill someone, donít be surprised if the rest of
us want to see you fry in the
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others.
If you rob, cheat or
coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, donít be
surprised if the rest of us get
together and lock you away in a place where you still wonít have the
right to a big screen
color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You donít have the right to demand that our children
risk their lives in foreign wars
to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and
wonít lift a finger to stop
you from going to fight if youíd like. However, we do not enjoy
parenting the entire world and do
not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little
tyrant with a military uniform
and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You donít have the right to a job. All of us sure want
all of you to have one, and will
gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
advantage of the opportunities of
education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
means that you have
the right to pursue happiness - which, by the way, is a lot easier if
you are unencumbered by
an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were
confused by the Bill of Rights.